The Fantastically Phenomenal and Not At All Humdrum Move

It began as any other ordinary and totally humdrum day. The sun rose and later I rose from my bed and ate some breakfast. I was enjoying my morning meal when a tickly sensation in my brain reminded me that there was an important event for that day. As I rubbed my eyes and began to wake up I remember that today is MOVING day.

I got the moving van that had been rented for just this special occasion and met with my trusty team. We would conquer my belongings and deliver them to their own special new room. We steadily worked at loading each box and piece of furniture, assured that we would deliver them safely to their destination. The sun rose higher as we toiled walking back and forth paying our alms to the hungry truck that breathlessly waited for us.

This move from Texas to Louisiana was next on the list entitled “Going to College in Baton Rouge.” My time in the town of Beaumont, TX was coming to an end and my new life as a college student was ready to emerge as a butterfly takes wing from its cocoon.

As I reveled in the excitement, my brain clicked and reminded me that we had the truck for only a day. This thought sparked some urgency into my morning and I urged my team to hustle a bit so our trip could begin. My friend with a box on her lap encouraged her wheelchair on in the race and I tested my strength with two boxes at a time. Our courageous strong man loaded himself up, seemingly groaning under the weight, and trekked out to the truck.

Finally we had satiated the truck’s appetite even as we incited our own, loaded ourselves, and were on the move towards a well needed lunch. The ride to Baton Rouge was pleasurable as we enjoyed each other’s company and navigated to my new home.

Great fun ensued as we moved boxes and crates and furniture and more into my new college home and speculated on the adventures I could expect over the next four years. 

The items that did not go into the house were given their own special home in a rented storage space on the outskirts of town. We were introducing these random items to their new party house when I realized that not all the boxes would fit. Oh dear, what was I to do. I did not have time nor money to rent another space and did not wish to throw anything away. Also the time was running out on the rental truck.

I thought and though and then though just a bit more and said to my weary wandering cohorts, “why do these items have to stay in the boxers?” This led basically to dumping my extra belongings into the crevices around the crates already in the rented random items party room (my new name for the quite cozy spaces). Finally all was unloaded and some even unpacked and we were on our way to return our trusty steed.

It was a memorable day of fun and work and I hope never to repeat it. However, my friend, if you should find yourself on this same path, have fun, laugh, and don’t stress and it will be all right in the end.

Reason Number 3

http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=yoga&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=DvVie9mW1k1iVM&tbnid=59GqAwr07TqrHM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fblog.corewalking.com%2Fall-yoga-is-good-yoga%2F&ei=MjWEUa3iGIa08ATY-IHYAQ&bvm=bv.45960087,d.dmQ&psig=AFQjCNECx8jYLjAvrV4n_30BiCb1uxhFXA&ust=1367705173151812

I am thankful for firemen. A fireman literally saved my neck last weekend. It's is sort of a long story but well worth reading.

The whole things starts when I decided I needed a new workout regime. So I searched and found one I though I really would like. Little did I know it would lead to a near death experience.

Anyways, I got up early in the morning, probably around 10:30am, and opened the program on my computer. I got out my exercise mat and followed what the guy on the video was doing. Oblivious to my impending doom.

I sweated and grunted and drank a bunch of water. I was so proud of myself for working so hard. Then the man in the video said something along the lines of that we had just completed an intense workout and needed to help our body recover.

I was in total agreement with this and ready to shower and crawl back into bed so my body could recover. However, this is not what the guy had in mind. He said we should use some yoga moves to help our body. I though, ok, yoga, then bed. I can handle this.

So I watched what the evil pretzel man did. And then I thought maybe too much exercise had ruined my eyes. So I rubbed my eyes and squinted at the screen. Lo and behold, I had actually seen clearly the first time.

Not one to shrink away from a challenge, I pulled and pushed my legs and body until I managed to get in the correct pose. As I was praying to God to deliver my crushed lungs from the evil I was participating in, Mr. Evil Pretzel said we should switch sides.

Oh dear, I realized I was stuck in that position. I couldn't even get up to get a cold Dr. Pepper. I was like, dear Jesus, what am I gonna do. But mercifully, I was able to stretch my arm and just reach my phone with my little pinky finger. I dialed 911 and begged the lady to send some help because I was in a really really bad position. Little did I know it was about to get worse.

But finally the EMT guy came. He took one look and passed out. He passed out clean on the floor. Oh dear, what was I to do. Should I call 911 again? But he finally came to, and I begged, please Mr. EMT guy, you can't pass out again. I need some help.

So he kinda pushed me over. Lord, it was like my arms and legs were spring loaded. They went bong bong and, it was the most awful thing that ever had happen in my life. Oh, it was awful.  They went boing boing and then the back of my neck got stuck in my butt crack. Oh, I never though it would be possible.

Mr. Useless EMT guy passed out again. I didn't know what to think. This awful thing had happened and my only help was passed out on the floor. Oh, what to do.

So I just was able to reach the phone and I called the nice lady at 911. I don't think she even believed me so I said, "Lord Jesus it's a fire. Send someone lady! It's a fire!"  So not long after, here comes the fireman.

He arrived and walked right out the door. I was like, well you might as have passed out like EMT guy here. But this fireman was no pansy. He came back like a true hero with the JAWS OF LIFE.

This true hero had the jaws of life and he immediately extracted the back of my neck out of my buttcrack.

And that, my friend, is why I am thankful for firemen!

Reason Number 1

I am thankful for heavy psychiatric medications. Not for me, for a couple of my former teachers. Granted, they seemed just fine before I took their class; but as everyone should know, correlation is NOT the same as causation. In other words, just because both of them had their break from reality just when they reached right about midterms of the semester I took their class (not the same semester) does not mean that my presence drove them nuts.

Let's look at the first case. I had been hearing so much about diversity and respect for other cultures. I was in college so I knew it was time to take it to the next level. It was time to take what I was hearing and put it into practice. My professor's name was Dr. Lxczj. (not completely sure of the spelling).

I arrive to Dr. Lxczj's exam exactly one minute early (should always arrive early to show respect). Then I took the little Buddha statue I had bought at this strange cigar shop just off campus and offered to let each student rub his belly for good luck. Dr. Lxczj became quite distraught. To this day I am not sure if it is because of I was charging a dollar a rub or just the fact that he disliked the Buddha. I tried to explain to him that I was showing respect and understanding for his culture and the ancient practices of his tribe. But after screaming at me that he was from Canada (yeah, I probably spelled his name wrong), he evicted me from class and ran like a little baby to tell the namby pambies at student accountability. (Basically, to put it in high school terms, he ran to tell the principal on me). Ms. Mamby Pamby really had trouble understanding that I just was trying to show respect to a strange custom. Actually, she had trouble understanding there was a strange custom even to  consider. Yeah, she needed more education about diversity.

Now for case number two. This was the next semester. Dr. Smith (he was a very old white man, so no confusion about ancient rituals). He was very old, probably he had seen the big bang with his own two eyes. I mean, he was at least 35 or something. In fact, I think he stared at the big bang too long and that is why he had to wear those thick, and I mean like really thick, glasses.

Anyways, it got to be midterm time again. I was taught to respect my elders, so I brought a small bag of pebbles and rocks to the midterm. Not a big bag, just one of those walmart plastic grocery bags full. I am not sure if his extreme over-reaction was because of the bottom busted and the pebbles went all over the place or because of I told him I was paying honor to how he had learned the ancient ways of doing math. He became so furious that I am now thinking maybe they just counted on their finger and didn't use rocks; especially since he kept yelling something about why would I think he had used rocks. When I asked if it was bones they had used he demanded I leave the class immediately.

And I guess Dr. Lxczj had talked to him because he also went running to tell Ms. Mamby Pamby.  In fact, come to think of it, she ended up on the same medications as Dr. Lxczj and Dr. Smith. You would think that our leaders at the university would be more stout of heart. But those heavy psychiatric medications got them right back on track.

And that is why I am thankful for heavy psychiatric medications.

Reason Number 2

I am thankful for cotton briefs. That old time underwear would really hold me back in my fast paced life.  I can see it now. Sorry I was late for that really important meeting, I was trying to get my underwear tied. Or, I can't play in the upcoming softball tournament because of I sprained my wrist when I tripped over my underwear. Look at the picture of women's underwear up there. That looks more like a weapon. Gives a whole new meaning to the idea of "concealed weapon."  If she falls on someone that thing probably would stab them in the neck.  No officer, I not am wearing (sorry I mean carrying) a concealed weapon.  Yes you are! 

 

The possibilities for tragedy are endless.  But perfect for a scary movie. In fact I am thinking of making a horror movie based on these things. Get one of those screaming actresses they always have in a horror movie. She will be there going on and on about how this is a terrible and dangerous place when all of the sudden those bones in her undies come alive, grow hands, and strangle her. (oh yeah, they put bones into their underwear back then.)

Title of the movie can be "The Hands from Down Under." (I bet all the zombies will be wearing these undies one day.) Now I know we all gotta go one day, but I'd rather it not be because of my undies stabbed me in the back. And that is why I am thankful for cotton briefs